been ages since i blogged.
just wanted to type down my feelings when it swam up at this very moment after a hot long shower. The thing about a long hot shower is so scary to me, I have had bad memories about long hot showers. Somehow, it’s the only time that I am unable to suppressed the bad feelings, the negative emotions swarming up whenever I had a long hot shower since young.

been thinking alot about my decision to move to a new company.
i haven been through so many stages that i lost track.

went through all the stages of denial, opposing and finally acceptance.
been telling the friends i'm with that i have and am already am at the acceptance stage.

but strangely, i'm doing alot of 'opposing' stuff that i used to do when i'm been in the company for just a month.
i have been requesting for a new laptop with dual screen, but it has fall into deaf ears. but instead the intern who is with us for just 3 mths managed to get hold of hers.
i dun think it's due to the lack of laptops nor the justifications to get.
it's just that the boss is trying to strike a balance between the aunties and the young ones ( aka just me alone)
meaning, since the aunty can use the old company with a small pathetic screen to do their work..
why cant i?

but problem is.. it has been so apparent that their usual way of doing things is just a waste of time.
and given the resources, i believe i can do more. achieve more. change more.
i'm usually not that aggressive. but in a new environment, there's just so much potential to do stuff that you usually don't do.
friends often asked me why am i so upset that i am unable to get the things that i want for my job.
isn't it better, they say.. to work slowly and just blame everything on the computer?

but to me, that's just an excuse.it just make me feel so useless.

my time in this new job has made me so miserable and though i wished not to dwell on things that have already happened.
i can't help but to remember back the happier times.
times where i wun drag myself to go to work..

it always make me sad to talk about my new job
so i have stopped talking about it to my friends.
i feel that i'm just whining and whining and i would like to spare my friends the torture of listening to my rants.

i took so many pictures throughout these few months but i do not have the mood to sit down and write about sad stuff.
but i know this blog will be there forever for me.
and i wanted to remember about this.

despite the unhappiness at this new job.
i still want to remember this chapter of my life where i actually lunch alone.
i believe this is the most introverted period of my life where i actually enjoy being alone then to lunch with those hypocrites who back-stabbed me.

a friend has joined this company and i am thrilled at his companionship.
but a friend can only help me that far and i dun wish to torture him over my daily chronicles with the aunty that i can never click with.

but i have also met a nice lady there.
Aunty Angie, that is the only aunty that i can really lunch with and be happy about our lunch 'date'.
oh how i miss those days of wondering where to eat with a bunch of colleagues over at cecil.

i have been very emotional when i typed this out.

Chapter closed. i'm finding a new job and my proposed date of leaving that unhappy place will be end july.
just before the company annual event.
oh i just know how much boss will hate it.

but aunty angie has asked me to ponder this question after much discussion about discouraging me from doing this.
she asked, since you have decided, which is more important to you? her anger or your future.
i guess that pretty much seals the deal.